LOOKING AROUND: The 400 Club

By Barbara Sofer
Jul. 18, 2002

What a delight to see you, Beth and Josh, shepherding little Orly, Tali, Aharon and Aliza from the steps of the plane which brought 400 American immigrants to Israel. I know your loving, devoted parents, and how hard it was for you to leave a support system like that behind. Likewise, I know how hard it was for Bert and Alice to see you and their beloved grandkids get on that plane, even though they brought you and your siblings up to be Zionists.

Everyone is going to be giving you unsolicited advice, so why should I be left behind? Mine are prophylactic recommendations, similar to the warnings in the best breastfeeding books. It's been a while, but I remember well my surprise at the negative remarks. Despite universal praise for the act of nursing, disparaging comments would come my way. Someone would say the baby was certainly hungry or ask what I was trying to prove, even though just about everyone acknowledged that nursing is great for babies.

Anyone in Israel who has read the reports of demographers should know that immigration is great for the country. At least a modicum of much-deserved praise and appreciation should be coming your way. But don't count on it.

Along with the intellectual understanding of the importance of immigration has always been a visceral skepticism; native-born Israelis really do find it hard to understand how anyone could leave the comfort of affluent countries and convenient family ties to live here, particularly in a period of intense terror.

So don't be hurt if strangers seem to be probing for a reason other than Zionism that would justify your eccentricity. They claimed that my husband was either fleeing the mob or coming to spy.

Nor will most people understand that immigration is really thorny, even though you're not emerging impoverished from a land of famine or tyranny.

Contrast your own situation with that of my sabra friend, Ron, an administrator in a large public institution. He belongs to a formal friendship circle of 70, like the Elders of old. These are friends who, for the most part, have gone to elementary school and an elite high school with him. Today, most occupy positions of influence. Rarely does a week pass when he doesn't consult one of them, or vice versa, about employment, banking, kids schooling, medical issues or vacations.

This networking circle also serves as a safety net when one of the members is in trouble.

You've divested yourself of the ties of family and friendship accumulated over the years, and even though your Hebrew is good, you'll be missing the nuances for a while. To close this gap, you need to take the offers of veteran Israelis to help you very seriously. Ask them if they're willing to be your mentors. Ideally, your council of sages - comprised of sabras and immigrants who have already been through the process - will extend their own connections to you.

There are dozens of puzzling practical questions ahead, from: "Does a nanny who works in my house also have to wash the dishes?" to: "How can I get my kids into a school that's officially full?"

There are brain twisters such as choosing a health plan, and the biggest secret of all - how middle-class Israelis can afford to renovate their apartments so frequently and still take nature trips to the Far East.

Don't be shy about this. You're shortening the road to your own absorption, and doing a service by introducing the indigenous population to the practical challenges of immigration.

Sometimes the attitude of veteran Israelis goes beyond bemusement to hostility. Is there an American in Israel who hasn't been told, in anger, to go back to the US? Knesset member Tommy Lapid allegedly expressed his disdain for Americans, particularly God-fearing ones like you; but other public figures, including a former prime minister, have as well.

Patronizing feelings toward Diaspora brethren don't disappear even when Diaspora Jews become Israelis.

THE NEW tax bill proposed by Finance Minister Silvan Shalom reflects this hostility. Invite any Knesset member - including the prime minister - in front of an American Jewish audience and you'll hear an impassioned plea for American immigration. But the same Knesset members recently voted to tax the savings and the already-taxed pensions of immigrants to the extent that many will be forced to leave the country.

Never mind that, in contrast to many other groups, English-speaking immigrants - who usually arrive with expensive and valuable educations under their belts - require little remedial education or residential care for their children. Shalom and every Knesset member who supported this bill in the first reading should be ashamed of themselves. How embarrassing for us - long past the new-immigrant stage - to have to turn to Yisrael Ba'aliya, the immigrant party, to rescue Anglo immigrants.

There's a lesson in that, Beth, about giving your vote to people who care about your interests.

Somehow, despite their own traveling and the presence of so many Israelis in the United States, sabras still harbor odd ideas about Americans: that they are all rich, that they take any shortcut, that they're not as fastidious as sabras. I once served up a meze of Mediterranean salads in our succa to an astonished neighbor. How could you possibly make crisp Moroccan carrot salad from frozen carrots, she wanted to know. Americans, after all, wouldn't ever peel fresh carrots, she knew. Likewise, a prominent American-born social activist was taking part in a Zionist leadership forum when a sabra member said she needed to ask her an important, private question: Why was it, she was asked, that Americans couldn't keep house!

A sabra friend who works for an important government ministry was recently telling a story, mimicking the American accent of a veteran immigrant.

Would he dare do the same act with a Moroccan or Russian accent? He changed his ways when I explained what an anti-Zionist (not to mention crass) habit this was.

Here's the advice: Don't be defensive - either about your heritage, or about your accent. Just shake your head sadly, make eye contact and in a soft, steady voice say: "In your heart, you really don't like immigrants, do you?"

Another tip: When a plumber or electrician says, "Ma'am, the toilet or fuse box is so old you need an entirely new system," get a second opinion. Anglo accents still make repairpersons see dollar signs. And remember that a taxi driver who wants to turn off the meter to cheat the government has no qualms about cheating you, either.

Watch out for certain key phrases when you're having a confrontation:

• "Why are you so upset?" (Usually someone who knows exactly why you're upset: He's trying to rip you off.)
• "Now, can you listen to my side of the story?" (Usually from someone who has already ripped you off.)
• "I was born in this country." (This is often someone who can't counter your political argument and then comes up with the ultimate trump card, as if being born here competes with your giving up America to move here. Smile.)
• "Why are you so aggressive?" (Ha! You've already won the argument.)

Memorize the date of your immigration. Not only will you have to write it in innumerable forms, but this is also among the most significant days of your personal life - up there with your wedding and the kids' birthdays. In fact, it's more so: a public statement of support for your people.

After all, Jewish organizations can't even give away short trips to this country, and you're here for good, despite the violent conflict.

Laminate the articles about your arrival and pin them on the wall. On the toughest days, you'll need a reminder that you've done something truly remarkable. And you have. You've acted on your ideology. You've fulfilled the dream of your family for generations. Your own kids won't have to leave you in tears at the airport.

Army Chief of Staff Bugi Ya'alon, a man who started his own new chapter last week, says that holding a line is a positive, not a passive act. By coming here, you've helped the Jewish people do just exactly that.

Thank you.